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How To Embrace Living Your Sensual Soul Life
The whole ethos of The Sensory Coach is predicated on my love of sensuality, but when I created it, part of my mission was to stay away from the subject of sex. Not because I don‘t love it, I do, but because I was tired of sensuality being reduced to sex toys and porn.
To me, reclaiming our sensuality is a revolutionary act. It means that we stop becoming mindless consumers of what greedy corporations pump out. It means getting in touch with our own depths. Discovering what‘s truly ours, and not the echo of some pseudo culture.
Being English* sex is a difficult topic.
*I prefer English to British, because I like precision in descriptive words. I AM English with a proud 25% of my blood being Irish. Britishness doesn‘t describe who I am, as it lays claim to Scotland and Wales, which, much as I adore both places, I have no bodily connection to, and therefore, as I feel it, I’ve no right to claim as part of me.
No Sex Please, We’re British
When I was younger, myself and someone I loved deeply, but who was, much to my disappointment, only a platonic friend, had the line ‘no sex please, we’re British’ thrown at us as a warning by our parents, as they left us alone when they went out for the night. It was mortifying for us both.
Decades later he used the phrase, in an official capacity, when his position put him in charge of sex education policies at his local authority. I hasten to add he was saying it was an attitude we needed to get rid of, not one he was encouraging. But I digress!
Sex and Britishness have this Victorian prudery attached to them still. As a nation, and I will include myself here, we have a very childish attitude towards sex. The naughty seaside postcard, the euphemism and double entendre, all carry that ‘behind the bike sheds’ British attitude towards sex. It seems like the only way we’re comfortable talking about taboo topics, is through the veneer of humour.
We’re so much more sexually liberated now than we were though; after all, we have Ann Summers shops on many of our high streets, and sexually transmitted diseases are rife. Woohoo, yay us for really getting our freak on!
As I see it, what’s really happening is a weird kind of reverse prudery. We can talk about shagging and dogging with barely an eyelash batted, but go any deeper; try and get into the truly sensual; and you’ll find the same shame and embarrassment aren’t far from the surface.
Becoming A Sensual Being
Sensuality is a way of being. It’s not a quick shag on a Friday night after a few beers (although that can be part of it, of course).
Exploring your sensual nature isn’t about trying out the latest sex toy (although that can be part of it, of course).
Stepping into your sensual self doesn’t mean a quick trip to Victoria’s Secret (although …. you get the gist now, right?).
Sensuality is about so much more than sex, and it frustrates me that, when people hear the word, that’s where their minds automatically jump.
In my view, sex is but one – albeit wonderful – aspect of sensuality.
I want to help people get in touch with their senses, so that they can have more pleasurable lives. I‘ve left sex out of the equation up until now because I feel that, in my country at least, to include it would turn The Sensory Coach into a euphemism for a sex worker. Which isn’t to throw any shade on that profession, it’s just not part of my offering to the world.
Becoming a sensual soul, to me, means a return to our original selves. The selves we were before the world stepped in and told us we had to be tamed and ashamed.
As adults, if we can find our way back to that person we were, before we were tamed and domesticated, then we have unlimited power to create lives that are truly fuelled by joy.
Pleasure and Consensuality
As with all things in life, there is no ‘one size fits all’ when it comes to pleasure and joy. Our sensory wiring, by its very nature, means our sensory experiences differ wildly from person to person. And so our sensuality differs.
My pleasures are different to yours. And so long as our pleasure comes to us in ways that are ALWAYS consensual* then there is no need to feel threatened, less than, weird or perverse, for the ways that we experience sensuality.
*see how that word is spelled! The etymology for consensual:- consens from the latin meaning felt together, agreed.
ConSensual – together + feeling. Isn’t that beautiful? Who doesn’t want a truly consensual life? It should underpin everything we strive for in this world.
The Requirements of Living A Sensual Soul Life
If we want to get to know our sensual selves then we must be prepared to do the work required of us. You might be wondering what that look like, here then is a list of requirements:
- It requires committed action.
- It requires courage.
- It requires honesty.
- It requires curiosity and a willingness to experiment.
- It requires openness and acceptance.
- It requires that we own our mistakes, and accept our failures.
- It requires testing our boundaries and, when we know where they are, enforcing them, and OF COURSE honouring the boundaries of others.
But most importantly of all….
- it requires us to have deep compassion for ourselves.
This isn’t a hedonist’s or a libertine’s charter. This is simply an invitation for you to come to your senses. And it’s me putting a stake in the ground; setting out my stall; so that you know the territory The Sensory Coach may occasionally visit.
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Essential Oils are Chemicals, Say What Now?
Essential oils are chemicals. Does that surprise or shock you?
Any aromatherapist worth their diploma will know this, but the majority of essential oil users don’t, which can lead to potential safety issues.
I’ve heard it said that many herbalists consider essential oils to be the pharmaceuticals of the plant medicine world.
However, the general public tends to view them as gentle, safe, natural products, which isn’t quite true.
In this article I’m going to debunk some of the myths surrounding essential oils, and in the process show why we must develop more respect for these potent plant compounds.
I’m something of a chemistry geek it has to be said, so this is one element of aromatherapy that I absolutely adore. I do appreciate that not everyone feels like that, so I’ll do my best to pique your curiosity without burdening you with jargon!
The Whole World (Including You) is Made of Chemicals
Chemicals get a bad rap, which, when we think about all the toxic junk that gets dumped into our environment, food, water and air, is hardly surprising. But chemicals are also the reason we’re alive.
Most of us will remember learning that water is H2O – 2 parts hydrogen to 1 part oxygen. That’s a chemical compound – when the atoms of 2 or more elements join together to create something new.
As every single thing in the universe is made of atoms, it means that every single thing in the universe is made up of chemicals. You are a living breathing collection of chemical compounds and reactions – a science lab no less! Ever eaten a tin of beans and experienced the chemical reaction that lead to the release of gas…? Uh huh, like I said… you’re your own science lab.
Aromatherapy – A Science and an Art
It may seem like semantics to take issue with the statement: ‘essential oils are chemical free’, but it’s really not. To say that is to fundamentally misunderstand the nature of aromatherapy.
I’ve posted photos on my instagram account that have had comments such as ‘ooh that looks like science!’ Which is hitting the nail firmly on the head. Aromatherapy IS a science as well as an art.
What is an Essential Oil Anyway?
According to wikipedia, an essential oil is:
a concentrated hydrophobic liquid containing volatile chemical compounds.
What does that mean? Hydrophobic simply means it doesn’t like water, ie water and oil don’t mix .
If you’ve ever taken the advice of certain companies who suggest you add a few drops of their essential oil blend to a glass of water, you’ll have seen this very clearly. Top tip: don’t do that, it’s not good for you.
Volatile means that it contains compounds which easily turn to a gas or vapour – the aroma of aromatherapy!
Your bottle of Lavender Oil is made up of at least 100 constituents – every single one of those is a chemical compound. One of those compounds is called linalool which is what is known as a monoterpenoid or a terpene alcohol.
Let’s go full geek mode for a moment and look at its picture…..
If you’re wondering why there are mirror images of the chemical structure, that’s a whole other chemistry rabbit hole we could fall down, but not today.
Remember, Linalool is just one of the 100+ chemicals in little old lavender oil.
Why Does This Matter?
Linalool is one of 26 allergens that have to be listed as an ingredient on aromatherapy products.
Read that again: 1 of 26 allergens.
Which, I’m sure you will now better understand, makes a mockery of what a certain Essential Oil MLM rep told me some years ago.
Linalool can cause problems for those with skin conditions such as eczema, and is known to cause contact dermatitis in susceptible individuals.
Unfortunately many aromatherapists, particularly those who practice massage therapy, go on to develop allergies as a result of prolonged contact with these naturally occurring chemicals, which can mean the end of their careers.
As a result of well meaning, but under educated, MLM essential oil company reps telling customers that it’s safe to apply undiluted essential oils to the skin, we are seeing a substantial rise in the numbers of reported reactions.
As I say time and time again: just because something is natural doesn’t mean it is safe.
Are Essential Oils Natural?
Yes and …. sort of no. I appreciate this is going to be controversial, but bear with me here.
As I said at the beginning of this article, many herbalists consider essential oils to be pharmaceuticals. The first time I heard this, I was pretty pissed off to be honest! However, as my continued professional development taught me more about the chemistry of the oils, I understood what they were getting at.
Herbalists work with the whole plant; their tinctures will, naturally, include the compounds that are found within that plant. They use hot water and alcohol to draw out those medicinal compounds, and make them easier for us to consume at medicinal levels.
Essential oils on the other hand generally have to go through a more rigorous extraction method such as steam distillation. This creates a much more concentrated soup of chemicals than you’d be able to get from a herbal tea.
If you consider that it takes approximately 240,000 rose petals to make just 5ml of rose essential oil, you can see the difference!
So yes, essential oils are naturally occurring plant not synthetic chemicals, but can we say they’re truly natural in the same way we can say apple juice is? I’m undecided, what do you think?
Treat Essential Oils With Respect
The subject of chemistry in aromatherapy is vast, and would take ever growing volumes to cover, but I hope this article has given you a small taster of what a fascinating and complex subject this is.
I also hope that it’s given you a good enough grounding in the science, to feel confident in calling out anyone who claims that essential oils are chemical free. It’s simply not true, and if they don’t understand this, you going to want to think twice about taking their advice about how to use them.
Treat essential oils with the respect they deserve. Take the time to learn more about how to use them safely, so that you can enjoy their numerous benefits with confidence. If you have any concerns, always consult a professional aromatherapist.
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How Creating Rituals Can Make Your Life Better
Rituals aren’t just for witches!
We all use rituals in our lives, often without realising that’s what we’re doing.
Your morning cuppa is a ritual. If you have a regular routine you use before you head out of the door, that’s a ritual.
The word has a bad rap though doesn’t it? It’s become associated with sacrifices, and dark practices. When really, a ritual is simply a series of actions.
Routine or Ritual?
How do you feel about the word ‘routine’?
Does it make you feel as though you’re on top of things, or does it give you a feeling of being trapped by monotony?
Like ritual, it’s a strangely emotive word, isn’t it? In my opinion, routine is like Marmite – you love or hate it.
What if you could embrace the, strange but true, fact that routine creates freedom?
It’s that word routine though, right? It’s humdrum, boring, stagnant; not something vibrant and creative… is it?
What if you could feel differently about routine?
What if you could bring a sense of reverence to it?
What if, turning your routines into rituals, could create something so powerful, it could change your whole life?
Would you believe me if I told you it really could?
Tapping Into Your Senses Turns Routine Into Ritual
In Romancing the Soul I talk about how creating a ritual around cooking, helped a dear friend feel better about the experience of cooking for one. If I’d suggested she create a cooking routine, it wouldn’t’ve had the same effect.
When you create your own rituals, you can add in sensory elements that make the process pleasurable for you. When repeated regularly, these sensory prompts create associations in your brain.
If every time you start to cook, you pour yourself a glass of something delicious (it doesn’t have to alcoholic), and take a long, slow sip, savouring it not guzzling it, your brain will recognise this as the prelude to your cooking ritual, and slip into the frame of mind you’ve primed it with.
If you put on some music that helps to get you in the particular mood you want to evoke, the ritual becomes even more embedded in your psyche.
Suddenly, cooking your evening meal becomes something to look forward to, it’s no longer a mind numbing routine, you’ve created a ritual that’s made it a pleasurable, sensory experience.
Using scent is an incredibly powerful sensory prompt, as the olfactory system has a direct route to the emotional memories area of the brain – scent memory associations are one of the most primal aspects of our human existence. You can utilise that to ‘hack your habits’ by regularly including particular scents with your rituals – I’ve created my range of Sensory Alchemë aromatherapy blends to help with that!
There are two things I’ve learnt in the last couple of years that have truly blown my mind:
- Structure creates freedom
- Containers encourage creativity
They sound pretty paradoxical don’t they? How on earth can structure create freedom? Structure is rigid, unyielding, the opposite of freedom, isn’t it? Seemingly not, but I’ll get into more detail about how that works in another post. For now, suspend your disbelief and choose to accept that these two things really are true. That will free you up (haha, see!) to explore how creating rituals creates containers for moments of freedom.
What Areas of Your Life Would Benefit from Creating Rituals?
Grab a notebook or journal and jot down the top 3 areas of your life that you currently struggle with the most.
Think about what exactly makes them hard – is it your attitude? Is it other people? Is it that it’s boring and routine? Really dig into the pain points.
Now sit quietly with your list for a few minutes. Re-imagine those moments as points in your day that are filled with ease, maybe even go so far as to imagine them as joyful! How big of a difference would that make in your life? How would it free you to enjoy your day more?
What little rituals could you create that would make those moments fun, calm, pleasurable or sacred?
What could you do to get any of the other people who might need to be part of those moments, engaged in this process, so that it frees them too?
Let Me Share Another Example
I’ve never been able to sustain a journalling habit. As a child I would start afresh every year, and if I was lucky I’d get to the 2nd of January before giving up.
As an adult I understood the benefits of journalling, but still could never stick with it.
Until 4 years ago.
4 years ago I bought the first journal that worked for me. I created a morning and evening ritual around using it, which quickly became habit. The knock on effects are astounding to me; that daily journalling process has changed my life in ways I couldn’t have imagined.
When I analyse why, there are several reasons, but the two that are have really made the difference are:
- The daily ritual – it’s now so ingrained in me that I feel off if I miss a day
- The structure of the journal itself – it isn’t a notebook full of blank pages to be filled, there are structured areas to work within, which often involves getting creative about how I use that small space!
Magic needs parameters to work within. Witches have always known this, they were ahead of the game on the ritual front, but you don’t have to be a witch to find the magic in ritual. As the quote on my home page says:
“Magic is really only the utilization of the entire spectrum of the senses.”
How will you use your senses to create a ritual that will make your life better? I’d love to know.
Get ahead of the Christmas rush AND save 20% on all
Sensory Alchemë gifts and productsTake advantage of this one time, subscribers only, offer to receive a huge 20% discount during the pre-order period, which runs from 1st – 30th September. All orders will ship the first week in October. -
Gluten Free Sticky Toffee Apple Fudge Cake
I’ve been thinking about this cake for a LONG time! It was something that I used to be able to buy at cost price when I worked in a pub back in the 90s. It came frozen and I would often eat a slice straight from the freezer – try it before you judge!
The pub served it warm with ice cream – a fabulous sensory experience of hot, sticky fudge sauce, contrasting with the tingly cold of the ice cream.
Because my memories of this cake were so good, I’ve been scared to attempt to make a version for all these years. With all that’s going on in the world, I decided that it was time to give it a go. Experimental baking and cooking is one of my go to things to do when life gets stressful, so a pleasant few hours were spent knocking this together.
The results surprised even me! The sponge was insanely light and moist, and the taste…. well let’s just say I made noises and faces that might not be entirely family friendly viewing!
Obviously this cake contains dairy and eggs, so I can’t guarantee how it will come out if you substitute those ingredients for dairy and egg free versions, but I reckon if you’re used to substituting then you’ll be good. Let me know anyway please.
Enjoy! And don’t forget to check out my crowdfunder for more of my go to techniques for soothing stress and anxiety, along with lots of lovely things for your senses.
Sticky Toffee Apple Fudge Cake
A deliciously decadent, wickedly moist and sticky treat, perfect for those moments when your taste buds demand comfort!
The Cake
- 200 g gluten free self raising flour
- 200 g butter
- 200 g sugar
- 4 eggs
- 1 tsp ground cinnamon
- 3 tbsps milk
The Filling
- 5 apples peeled, cored and chopped
- 1 tbsp maple syrup
- 1 tbsp coconut sugar
- 20 g butter
The Icing
- 3 tbsps coconut sugar
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- 4 tbsps evaporated milk
- 50 g butter
- 150 g icing sugar
Optional Decorative Extras
- 2 tbsps freeze dried apple pieces
- 1 handful fudge pieces
The Toffee Apple Filling
Melt the butter in a heavy bottomed saucepan.
Add the apple pieces to the pan and gently fry in the butter until soft.
Add the sugar, syrup and vanilla extract to the apples and gently simmer for 3-5 minutes.
Remove from the heat and leave to cool.
The Cake
Prepare two sandwich cake tins by buttering and flouring them.
Cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy – using an electric whisk helps to add air, which makes for a really delicious sponge.
Add a couple of tablespoons of flour and one egg to the creamed sugar and butter.
Beat in with the electric whisk and repeat the process until all the flour and eggs have been whisked in.
Add the ground cinnamon to the batter and mix in thoroughly.
Whisk in the milk one tablespoon at a time until you have the right consistency. You want a nice airy mix that's neither too runny nor too thick.
Divide the mixture between the two sandwich tins and even out with the back of a knife or spatula.
Bake for 18 – 20 minutes until a light golden colour and/or until a skewer poked in the middle comes out clean.
Leave to cool for a few minutes before turning the cakes out onto a cooling rack.
Leave to go cold before construction – patience young padawan!
The Icing
Add all the ingredients EXCEPT the icing sugar to a heavy bottomed pan.
Melt and then simmer for 5 minutes.
Remove from the heat, pour into a large bowl and leave to cool.
When the fudge mixture is cool, sieve in the icing sugar and whisk until smooth.
The Construction
Put the first sponge cake on to a plate or cake stand.
Spread a thin layer of the fudge icing over the first cake.
Spoon the toffee apple mixture on top of the fudge icing and spread evenly over the cake.
Place the second cake on top of the apple filling.
Spoon the remainder of the fudge icing on to the top of the cake and spread out evenly with a knife or spatula.
Sprinkle over some freeze dried apple pieces, or pieces of fudge if you're not worried about the amount of sugar and butter this cake already contains!!
Cut into 12 pieces, wrap each piece in greaseproof or clingfilm and freeze as many as you can before the urge to eat them all overcomes you!
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2020 The Year of Clear Vision
Visual acuity: 20:20 – the clarity or sharpness of vision.
2020 – the year of clear vision.
Has there ever been a more perfect metaphor for what so many of us hope this year will bring?
The other night I went to bed with a question on my mind. When I woke up the next morning, a word had replaced the question.
That word was clarity.
Dictionary.com says that clarity means:
- the quality of being coherent and intelligible.
- the quality of transparency or purity.
This post is a response to that inner question and answer session.
As I was preparing the graphic for this post in Canva, this quote popped up:
‘Great design is eliminating all unnecessary details.’
~Minh D. Tran
Heh! Synchronicity or what?
With all of that in mind, the point of this blog post is to bring some ‘intelligible coherence’ to this website. Do let me know if you think I achieve that, won’t you?
The Sensory Coach is an idea that popped into my head just over 2 years ago. It was the perfect fit for everything I wanted (and still want) to do. It was the ideal umbrella for all of my passions. It would bring clarity to the seemingly disparate collection of skills and passions I want to share.
Whenever I meet someone in person and answer the question ‘What do you do?’ I see their eyes light up. They understand what my driving purpose is; they see the need for it in their own lives, and those of others they work with or know. I bring an element of reconsideration to their own experiences, which often ignites a spark of curiosity that is clearly visible in their expression.
What I want to achieve with The Sensory Coach obviously has clarity when expressed in real life, but perhaps this virtual life is less clear. Like trying to see through steamed up glasses perhaps?
I suspect part of the issue online is that I share the things I’m doing in a somewhat on the hoof fashion.
Viewed through the lens of social media, I imagine that everything seems a bit of a jumbled up mess, with various arrows being shot out in seemingly random directions. That’s not the case at all; everything has a very clear, direct connection as far as I’m concerned.
However, I know I have a tendency to think that most people think in a similar way to me, but as a dear departed friend once said to me:
‘Tech, most people don’t think like you.
Looking at the social media accounts of other businesses, I realise that it’s common to have one key focus. There’s no confusion, there’s clarity around the key concept of the brand. Which is precisely what I envisaged The Sensory Coach would bring to my offerings.
However, it’s come to my attention that, whilst to me it’s blindingly obvious what the connection between the science of sensory types, essential oil blends and chocolate making courses is, it’s all a bit random for most people. And if people can’t quickly see a connection, they’re left confused and move along to something that makes more sense…
Having given lots of thought about how to bring more clarity to the value The Sensory Coach can bring to my clients and customers, here are the 3 key points of connection; the filters through which everything I do has been put through:
- Science and the Senses
- Self Knowledge and Acceptance
- Joy and Pleasure
Supposedly, if you’re in business, you absolutely must have an elevator pitch. Meh. I have resisted this because a. I call them lifts not elevators (pedantic English woman at large) and b. because of my avoider tendencies when it comes to movement, I avoid lifts when ever possible.
In the interests of 20:20 in 2020 though I figured it was time to bite the bullet. Here then, for your delectation and delight, is my carefully crafted elevator pitch, as seen on a social media bio near you.
The Elevator Pitch
In a world where our senses are bombarded at every turn, I help people to understand the role of sensory connections in their lives, and the lives of those around them; bringing more compassion, empathy and delight to their every day existence, through a range of experiential sensory tools.
Hopefully that gets me closer to my goal of 20:20 in 2020. I’d love to know what you think – drop me a comment, or come and say hello via the social media links below.
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Friday I’m In Love….
Yeah, not so much this week Bob, not so much!
Today’s prompt is Friday night in.
Today is my birthday eve. I suppose I should be relaxing, winding down, preparing myself for the anniversary of another whizz around the sun.
Ah, if only! Instead I shall be working into the wee small hours, trying to beat technology before it beats me!
Then in the morning there’s a trip to the post office, followed by (hopefully) a quick dash into town to find something to wear that will fit my new, more matron like, frame! Because tomorrow night is my Friday night and I’m not stayimg in (oh dear, now I’m singing the theme tune to that Lee Mack and Tim Vine programme!) oh no, for tomorrow I am off out; out to the lands of the young folk, I won’t look remotely out of place – cue howls of laughter! Tomorrow I’m off to catch up with a lovely friend, whilst missing another. Off to enjoy a good sesh of loud, live music. If my old bones can keep me upright for the length of a gig that is.
So this week, I’m not so in love with Friday, Bob, but Saturday night’s alright, Elton.
If you have persevered through this little nonsensical ramble, well done! It seems perverse to hit the publish button on such drivel, but it gets me another BEDN challenge tick, so publish and be damned it is!