And All I Really Want Is Deliverance

I spotted this daily blogging challenge over on the instagram account of my friend Jax (liveotherwise everywhere that’s social!), and thought it might be the kick up the bum I need.

My November is already pretty intense, so of course I’m going to add in a blogging challenge to ramp up the stress!

To the prompt then… (if you’ve started saying ‘to the bat mobile’ I can only apologise! Or perhaps that’s just my strange brain, and you hadn’t given it a thought until I planted that irritating little seed! In which case, my most humble apologies!)

Can you tell I’m already floundering?

New and personal, new and personal… but what does it MEAN??

Ok, I think I’ve got something!

Yesterday was Halloween, Samhain. My favourite day of the year. For some years my halloween parties were the stuff of legends. No word of a lie, people up and down the Counties of the Roses talked about my parties im awed tones, hoping they’d be lucky enough to get an invite! I went all out, and then went out even further!

None of which is to blow my own trumpet, but to impress upon you how big of a fan I am of the season. Honestly, for me it’s bigger than Yule/Christmas and I LOVE them with a passion!

This year though, nothing. I really wasn’t feeling it. I barely bothered with decorations, and had to be dragged, kicking and screaming, into attacking the pumpkins. This is a very new feeling for me, and I do not like it!

I truly felt broken last night, which I know sounds more than a little melodramatic, but I did. It’s such a big part of my identity that I was was worried I was losing myself! Yeah, I’m rolling my own eyes over here as I write this!

This morning though something had changed. In the night my dreams had been invaded by a living, breathing demon. One that has haunted me, goaded me on a regular basis, for almost 40 years. I’ve tried everything imaginable to exorcise it, but to no avail. Truth be told, for a long time I encouraged it, revelling in the drama.

For various reasons, this year saw the growing glimmer of hope that it could be vanquished, and last night’s dream invasion finally put it to bed. This morning I knew, from the words that I muttered, incantation like as I slipped back into the daylight world, that it was over. I had finally extinguished the flame that kept feeding off my light, and since then I’ve felt like my old self again!

Can we have a halloween do over please?

 

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